Tuesday is when you should be an adult

Phone calls to insurance companies 

Keeps my breath from getting air 

Feeling like a ton of bricks I feel heavy as the thought of floating for a brick would be unattainable.

Jarring options linger in the thickness of decision making and strangle my every move. 

Tuesday. I was very much an adult today. Sometimes it's boring. 

Wonder

I wonder what I was thinking about on this very day last year or even three years ago

I want to be able to remember each day of my life so I can look back and see how I've grown and how I've changed

How do we get older without realizing it only after it happens?

I want to go back to when I was 10 just to find out who I was back then and what I was into and what was on my mind

I would want to experience childhood from my own perspective now and compare it to how I was back then. 

My thoughts swallow me whole 

Muting my mouth while considering what to say

If only I could live in the moment and not in my thoughts. 

Shower thoughts

We are all trying to figure out who we are,  we are all thinking about our purpose and  how life works. We are all trying to love ourselves while still trying to get to know ourselves better. Life is a cycle. Things will and do get better. Days will be brighter and the sun will shine on you. Just keep going. 

Wandered into the green

Her mind wanders the vast forest 

Eyes locking on endless beauty

The wind pushes her forward, pulling her farther into the green abyss

Adventure is what she is seeking 

The sun sets and fall of her troubles fade away 

The night air gives her life and brings her back to the days she has in her memories.

Little poem on a rainy Wednesday night

Emotions are like baby dragons fighting for attention, each one with their own personality

Grateful for the air that I breathe

My mind wanders the dark halls of curiosity 

Turning every corner with suspense and excitement

It's the choice that you make that defines you

This is one of those days that you'll look back on and recall this very moment. 

Over it

I'm over my thoughts in my head 

They go on and on until bed 

If you were inside my head

I wonder how you'd feel 

You would probably understand me 

And say nothing at all 

It's like a spinning ball

You want to stop it so it could stay still

But it's too fast and you just stare at it

Forever in motion 

Thoughts about life

Where do our thoughts come from?

Thoughts can be the death of confidence

How are we able to hear ourselves talk inside our heads in our brain?

Do we all have similar thoughts?

What would life be like if we didn't care what others think of us?

Where would we be if society didn't put pressure on us to make money, be beautiful, and do it without complaining?

We are fragile

Our feelings are like glass

shattering within seconds of a disappointment

If we truly were able to be ourselves,

We could do and be anything we want 

You would have to let go of expectations of what is right and how you should do things

I'm so over people telling me what to do 

Why do they think they know what is best for me? Why don't they focus on their own life instead of trying to micromanage mine?

Could it be that they are bored with themselves or do they honestly believe that they are the end all and be all of how you live your life? 

You only live once. It's YOUR LIFE. Be you and embrace your differences because that's what makes you shine.

Hate me or love me

We all want to be liked. We all seek acceptance from others. We mold ourselves into what we believe is cool is to fit in. We change our looks, we change our opinions, and we act like them. It's going to be a long ride on the pathway to  self acceptance and positive self talk. Self talk is when you talk to yourself in your head with positive thoughts. It's time to stop following the herd and run in the opposite direction of conformity. You are important. Your opinions don't have to match with anyone else's. Think of yourself as your friend and maybe we can all just take a breath and move on.

done.

it was a monday night when i noticed

you

it's kinda funny actually

why

because 

you didn't see me

you only saw my shadow

i wished for your glance 

the clock hit midnight and you told me that it's gonna be alright

i was caught in a trance and closed my eyes and said

i'll give you a second chance

it was a tuesday morning when i rejected your phone call

five missed calls and twenty long texts later
you tell me you want to talk

i replied and sent

it was you who had the ball

dont confuse me by bouncing back

why don't you just be direct with me

just admit it

you want more than you wanted from the start

you don't see what you're doing 

youre doing it wrong 

what is this 

who are you

please tell me

you change into someone new everyday

who are you

Not Alone

If you get anxious in life

if you have thoughts about the past

if you gave it your all and you still aren't happy enough

if you think too much

if you are inside your head too much

if you have trouble being around new people for the length of a conversation

if you are not sure if you made the right amount of the recommended serving size

if you love pizza

if you are the last one to turn in your test

if you check your texts to avoid saying hi to someone you know when you're out

if you daydream

if you can't remember what you did yesterday

if you stay home on a friday night watching netflix in bed with a pint of ice cream

you're not alone.

My Mind Wanders In the Dark of Night

sometimes I lie in bed and let my mind wander
I try to focus on a good memory and try to meditate
myself back into those feelings as if it were an easy task
at this rate I start thinking about how crazy the concept of time is and how the sun rises in the mornings and sets at night and how we determine our plans based on time and light of day
I wonder if anyone else thinks about this stuff
My mind is like a busy train station
Rushing around and stressing out
As each day starts afresh I realize that this isn't enough.
My mood needs an elevation. Relax. Reflect. Reign.

Friday 12:50pm

what is this
life is happening
why do i feel inactive
i wake up and get dressed
check my email and texts
take my medicine
and put on my makeup
in the mirror

breathing out negativity
inhaling good vibes
my mind wanders and examines the depths
of the ocean floor
what can i do to make my mind stop
i always feel tired
i excel at being lazy

i always think about what i should be doing
instead of doing what makes me happy
i get confused often and ponder for awhile
i will be okay.

Yes but why

There are times when I open my mouth before I think of what I say before I give meaning to the assorted letters. I did not mean to make you upset or feel bad. 

Wrath of beauty

That girl 

This girl

She has a pretty face 

Her life must be fabulous and simple 

You wouldn't know that isn't the case 

Each day she is chased by the boys that want to sleep with her

Every now and again she blames herself for the attention she receives

No one believes her when she complains 

She says her life is like a stage with eyes fixed on her all the time

All she desires is to be respected 

Beauty comes and goes but character and respect last a lifetime.

Unfair treatment this isn't fair 

Why does she get all these fun perks

They ask themselves

I'm like you

We are not divided as you may think. 

Give me a chance. 

Home is where your fam is:)

Each moment we share, we grow closer and come together 

We feel each other's energies

Smiles are contagious

we speak the same language

we remenisce of happy memories

From childhood and silly moments

Our history consists of love and good intentions.

Memories serve as one's education of life.

My feeling is dark purple

/as I breathe this air I tilt my head to the right and sigh
my hair falls by my cheek and suddenly my face and neck
begin to itch
I take in another breath of air and listen to the voices
from my bedroom to the living room casting manifestations of ritual and morals
friends of my past and inspiration for the future
space freezes in time
i taste purple.

Dark Sea

guide me with your bright eyes

lead my into the light

look towards the mystic horizon

take my hands and trace my destiny
into the skyline
push me into the waters of greatness

share your strong sense of fate
and belief in dancing broomsticks and fairy godmothers

sift through my sand of uncertainty
shake away the flaws that change my rose filtered frames

i need you to be my compass
send me to the amiable abyss of splendor and wonderment 

i am leading myself into the depths ofthe deepest seas

casting dark shadows with each step

and each reflection of myself i see
help me shine like the star you are

Made up

If you said it would play out this way 

Then my mind must be lost 

I would rather take the high road

Where fantasies exist 

In glass clouds and fairy powder 

Laced with fireflies and gum drops

Mountains of Coconut dust lay scattered alI along the streets of valentine avenue

How far am I going?  

Somebody please shake this snow globe 

Let my pieces fly up in disarray and settle wherever they fall

My heart fails to keep itself whole

Please

I 

don't want to be a part 

Of this 

Take me  

in this 

game 

of 

love

Sheets in the River

I walked down Meadowlark Lane

wandering down the flower adorned path

sun rays shower my body 

i can feel the crisp air against my skin

i listen to the bluebirds sing

with my sheets in my arms I kneel down to the river and toss

them into the fierce waters

I watch them follow the current

down the rapids 

they quickly pass swimming ducks

and float towards stationary rocks

suddenly the sun disappeared and the sky darkened

time stood still

 i watched my sheets catch a corner of a fallen tree branch 

the current grew stronger 

I saw the fibers rip and tear

exhausted cotton 

destroyed linen

once perfect without holes

vanished into the troubled river 

sinking into the depths of the murky abyss

I lay myself down on a picnic bench and turn to see 

the sheets in shreds

I lay ontop of the table with my hands beneath my head

and stare into the sky

it's almost completely dark out

I close my eyes 

in hopes of waking up 

on cotton clouds

discomfort

long deep stares
cold winter air
big bright moon
three owls overhead
laying outside under the starry abyss
i begin to shiver
the breeze picks up
the spark fades
i close my eyes
and float away