It's normal to not be excited to turn 30. 

     It's approaching. The day is almost here.  Would I want to turn back time and jump back to being 18, 19, 20, 21...and so on? The answer would be simple if I had a choice of a few conditions.  I'd go back to my late teen years if I could go back as the me I am right now; my life now but I'd just be younger.  Nothing but my age would change.  I'd have the same job as a teacher assistant, I'd be with Kyle, I'd live in Los Angeles, I would already have my bachelor's degree.  Literally everything but my age would change.  
     Another question pops up.  WHY am I SO CONCERNED with the fact that I'll be 30? 30 years of life.  Growing up is supposed to be something to look forward to, with somewhat of an aspiration complex.  I should not be so outraged by the large number. I think this might have something to do with the fact that in the past, I have attached some expectations to that number.  If you asked me at 20, what I think my future would hold, I would have probably said that I'd like to be happy, married, have a couple kids, and a house.  I am happy, I have an amazing loving boyfriend but we aren't married yet, do not own a house, and definitely do not have any kids.  I work with kids, but do not have any of my own.  One day, Kyle and I would like to start a family.  We always talk about it and fantasize about our little family.
     I just talked with Kyle about my issues with turning 30 and my expectations.  He made a good point.  Would I have been ready to move/get married/have kids when I was 23-29? No. The answer is no.  How was I supposed to know when I met Kyle? Who was I to know/predict that I'd meet someone special that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with? How was I supposed to predict/call that by a certain age? Some people focus their time and energy on impressing other people instead of tuning in to what is right for them.  I'm not one of those people. I have these basic thoughts about how I'd imagine my life to be by 30, but the truth is, everyone is different and fate is real.  Tuning into your own feelings, and doing what is right for you is the best thing that you can do for yourself and for your life. The thoughts that plague my mind about turning 30 isn't real. The thoughts hang low in my mind and drip on the good that is happening in my mind. It's up to me to accept those thoughts or reject them. That's all they are.
     Life is a journey. I am the person in charge of how I accept the waters ahead, because those parts are unknown. 


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