getting older

Might be exposing myself here but I don't have anything to lose. 

Getting older is a privilege, it's supposed to be celebrated, not something to be ashamed of.

Why am i feeling like this? Do I have nothing to show?

How did 10 years pass by so quickly? 

When I was 10, I told my mom I never wanted to grow up. At 19, I wrote in my journal that I felt like I was retired already. At 23 when I finished college, I felt like I was retired again. Now at 35, I feel like I'm old and the clock is ticking for me to have a baby. I thought I would've had one by now, I thought I would have insurance, I thought I wouldn't have to have a roommate, I thought I would be thriving in a career. See what happens when I think?  Not such a good idea. Everything and everywhere is so expensive and time is money. I want to find something that fulfills me and my bank account. I wish that being a good person was a form of currency. I always try my best at work and while interacting with other people.  I'm at a point in my life where I just don't know what would make me happy. Something that was once interesting and what I thought was cool-job wise, after a while starts to feel like actual work and something forced. I'm not sure where I'm going with this rant but I don't know about anything anymore. 


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